Already got asked if we're dating
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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