Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
