At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
