what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
