i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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