that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Randomize
