Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
