I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
