Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
