What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
