I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
i love accidental penises.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
