I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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