"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
