I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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