I have demons in me.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
