He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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