McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
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