NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
