Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
