If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
