my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
