so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
