And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Randomize
