Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
