I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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