Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
