She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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