so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
