I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
