Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
