I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
