Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize
