my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Randomize
