u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
