my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
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