NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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