i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
