Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
