You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Randomize
