i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
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You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
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I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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