You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
