I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
