I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
