i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
