Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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