in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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