JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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