I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
