I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
