I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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