she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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