oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
