Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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