I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
