No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
