Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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