i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
