Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
it hurts more in the daytime
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
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