that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
