ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
