Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
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