My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize