yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
