u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
