I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
