There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
