People in love make me want to vomit
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
