This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
